May 10, 2014

A month ago what my family feared happened. I wrecked my Italian 500 Piaggio X9 scooter. Only I didn't die. I wasn't going the 90 something it was rated to go. (I never did.) I was probably going under 30 although there were no witnesses. I was wearing my helmet and my florescent yellow jacket, my boots and my long pants. The officer who came to the scene kindly presented me a ticket for driving too fast for conditions in the emergency room while I was still on the board and in a neck brace. I started to protest because I was a very cautious rider, but because I could remember nothing whatsoever about the wreck I couldn't really argue with him. I thanked him as he left the room. 

It had been a long day at school. It was the week before spring break and I was losing ground with my class of At-Risk middle-schoolers. We had just added two new students to bring me to a full load of 10, one from another school who came to us on contract from another at risk class after having thrown things at his last teacher and one who had a past of physical altercations and name calling with several of my present students. I also had felt a little off physically from a virus and a stressful couple of nights and days with a heart scare with my husband. The last little stick, or so I thought, was my missing sunglasses when I got to my bike. Why would anyone take my sunglasses? But it was a mild irritation and I had a beautiful ride home to look forward to. My school is located in the beautiful foothills of South Carolina and I ride a two-lane, hilly road through a rural area to my home. It was a sunny, not too hot day and I was looking forward to it. The last thing I remember was pulling out of the parking lot.

After that is a period of darkness, a sensation of zigzag and heaviness pulling on my arms and then being in an ambulance with a woman on my left asking me questions and people talking outside the ambulance. I specifically remember the sound of my principal Wanda and assistant principal Holley's voices. Holley said something kind as I was leaving but I don't remember what it was.  The woman asked me about my family and I told her my husband Kerry was home and Maura was in New Zealand. Later, I heard her tell someone on the phone that I had a daughter in Brazil and I said New Zealand, but she didn't hear me. Actually, Maura was home, but I had forgotten. There were two people and I remember them talking about why were they taking me to Easley and the woman said both me and my husband wanted me to go there, and I was thinking that I had never said anything about wanting to go anywhere. She also said that she couldn't see anything on me but a cut on my arm. I did tell her that my shoulder hurt. (I had a broken clavicle) I must have lost consciousness again because the next thing I remember was being wheeled into the room where Maura and Kerry were waiting. I don't remember arriving or entering the Emergency Room.

What I remember most there is being able to wiggle my feet and being so grateful. If I was going to survive a motorbike wreck, I wanted to be able to walk. (It didn't occur to be then that I might be too weak or tired to be able to walk on legs that could move.) The board was so uncomfortable and I was so stiff but I couldn't get off of it until they had done the x-rays and cat scan. They x-rayed my chest and shoulder and for some reason my right leg. It was probably one of the few parts that didn't hurt. My whole left side was beat to hell and I had contusions and bruises all over my left leg but they x-rayed my right... go figure.

I had my wreck around four in the afternoon and left the hospital in time to get to the pharmacy before nine. The ambulance people were right. I should have gone to Greenville. But since I survived, or at least, have so far, I guess it cost me less.

The diagnosis of the ER to my surprise was that I had a seizure. This was something of a shock to all of us. I'm 58 years old and had never had a seizure in my life nor had anyone in my family. Our best guess was a blowout of my back tire which was flat when I was found, although there were no noticeable punctures. No one witnessed my demise, so any theory was surmise. The seizure diagnosis was made on the basis of my prolactin level which were almost triple normal levels. Apparently these only rise in nursing mothers and people who have had a seizure.  However, at this point, we knew so little that everyone was goggling and asking anyone they knew with medical expertise. My internist, who is my primary care physician, went out of town for spring break and I didn't get to see him until the following week. The neurologist, when I saw him the next week, diagnosed me with epilepsy based on a childhood memory of a strange episode that may or may not have been a seizure. I walked into the den where Nancy, our one day a week maid, was ironing and felt a shivering all over and moved up and down about twice and then stopped. If Nancy saw me, she never said a word. (What black woman would if she saw a white child acting strangely with no one else around to witness it) I certainly never told anyone about it. I also used to pass out for short periods of time, waking up as soon as I hit the floor, but no one believed me until my mama saw me one day and took me to the doctor. I don't know what he said about it... maybe low blood pressure because it usually happened after I got up from lying down and I eventually outgrew it or learned to get up more slowly.... But a diagnosis of epilepsy requires two seizures so he takes this unwitnessed "seizure" of probably 50 years ago with my recent unwitnessed seizure and declares me an epileptic... and also tells me I can't drive for six months, which turns out to be the most lenient time period I could have. South Carolina evidently believes in freedom to drive being most important. Other states ban you for up to two years.

At this point, I didn't even know where the accident took place. Since the elementary school was mentioned, I assumed it was on the 15 mph road between the two schools. It will be almost two weeks before I know the actual spot of my wreck. The night following my wreck I had a 4-5 second flashback in which the zigzag heaviness in the dark is accompanied by terror and the realization that I can't control my scooter before my brain mercifully shuts down and goes blank. This causes me to second guess the seizure diagnosis when it was paired with a witness to the wreck who later tells me that the person's wife who found me said they saw a car speeding away as they drove up. My neurologist had put me on epilepsy medicine after the EEG so I called on a Friday afternoon to tell them of this new information and to ask if they had the results of the EEG. They didn't call back.

By the weekend after spring break, I was feeling a little better physically and started doing more laundry, etc., but when I went to church on Easter Sunday I was suddenly just exhausted by the service. When we got to my brother's house, I went upstairs to lie down and as soon as I did, the world started spinning and didn't really stop. (I came down his stairs on my butt.)  I thought it must be the medicine I'm on and stopped taking it. I do call on Monday and reported my symptoms to the neurologist but neglected to tell them that I had stopped taking it. If they had called back, I would have; but they didn't.

I had planned to go to school the next day but realized that I couldn't. I attempted to go on Tuesday and was exhausted at the end of first period. I had to sit down second period for our skills activity and barely mad it through third. I called Kerry to come get me fourth. I finally saw Dr. Chang that afternoon and he informed me that I should go into a quiet, dark room for at least a week.. no reading, no TV, no stimulation. I had been finishing a book with a title I no longer remember (or anything about it) the week after my wreck. No one had told me not to. This is the longest now that I have ever been in my life without reading a book. I took his advice, more or less, and began my days of 3-4 naps a day. I needed them all. My speech was slurred. A shower wore me out and required an immediate nap. My family doesn't know who this person is. I am only now, a month later, able to write more than a paragraph so that I can began to document what has happened to me.

My neurologist finally got around to calling me while I was seeing Dr. Chang. Of course, they had closed by the time I called them back. Dr. Chang had gently reprimanded me for quitting my medicine and told me to start back on it. He read my EEG and told me that it definitely showed seizure activity in the left temporal lobe (incidentally the side of my body that hit the ground). He also took blood and called later telling me that my prolactin levels were back to normal, further confirming seizure activity. 

When my neurologist finally did make contact, I confessed and the nurse asked "What did Dr. Chang tell you to do?" and then said, "Yes, that's right. Do that." which didn't inspire me. She then said the dizziness was probably not from the medicine and that they would call something in to my pharmacy. They never did.  I go in on Monday to meet with him to go over my MRI, my EEG , my bloodwork, and I guess my treatment and diagnosis. I do so with trepidation and not much confidence. I intend to request that he share my information with Dr. Chang.